They go on sale at 10:00 a.m. I bet they’re all gone at 10:03 a.m.

The Pittsburgh Steelers are really amazing me in this offseason. Last night they picked up Jonnu Smith and Jalen Ramsey from the Miami Dolphins; they just signed DK Metcalf in the offseason, and somehow they still managed to convince Aaron Rodgers to join up for a one-year stint. Hell, I’m even hearing rumors that they’re planning on shopping TJ Watt if they can’t come to a contract agreement with him.

What in the name of the Immaculate Reception is going on in western Pennsylvania?

Well, I can’t worry about those signings right now. Because there is something I want to acquire.

And I may only have ONE CHANCE to get it.

Yeah, me and a million other Steelers fans.

This thing.

I have several Terrible Towels – as any good Steelers fan should – but this one is special. It’s an embroidered towel that commemorates the 50th anniversary of broadcaster Myron Cope’s suggestion that, after watching a Miami Dolphins game in which the Dolphins handed out rally handkerchiefs, Pittsburgh Steelers fans should get the wash towels out of the kitchen and bring them to the stadium and use them for a rally.

And the idea stuck. And the towels – for which all proceeds from their sale and manufacture go to a school for special needs in Western PA – is now the de facto symbol of Steelers fandom. Trust me on this.

This towel just screams “collectible and you must have it” at me. Only 5,000 of these towels will be manufactured, and they’re individually numbered.

So it shouldn’t be a problem for me to get one of these on opening day, right?

Right?

RIGHT??

Factor this. The Steelers can pack 50,000 people into Acrisure Stadium on any given home game. You want a season ticket for Steelers home games? The waitlist is TWENTY YEARS LONG. The Steelers have a road game in Ireland this year at Croke Park (which holds 100,000 people) and tickets for that event sold out in HALF AN HOUR.

So, yeah. I’ve got about as much chance of getting one of these Terrible Towels as I do waking up next to Florence Pugh and Sydney Sweeney, with them both looking at me with a “wanna go again, Tiger?” glance.

Well, I have to try. If I get one … fantastic.

If I don’t … I’ll console myself by purchasing two other Terrible Towels. I saw some on the Steelers’ Pro Shop page that look rather swank.

Besides … they make great “ha ha” gifts for when the Steelers beat up the Jets and the Giants and the Packers and the Dolphins and the Browns and the Browns and the Bengals and the Bengals and the Ravens and the Ravens and everybody else en route to the 2026 Super Bowl.

And I’m fine with that.

Alexa, please set an alarm for 9:55 a.m.

UPDATE: Being on time paid off. I was able to claim one towel. But yeah, I’m still nervous – did I actually get one?

A quick email to the Steelers Pro Shop, and …

This little message.

DOUBLE YOI!!